No Escaping Judgements!

It's so hard living in this world without being judged for every single action, isn't it? You do good, it isn't done well. Something wrong, and you're defined by that one mistake the rest of your life.

Image source : bonefiretarot.com

Ideal Parenting : I was at the movies last week; a good, no-nonsense movie that called out to my attention with each dialogue delivery. However at a certain point my convictions were shaken and I started questioning what I've been believing and meaning to practice in the future - to raise children in love and not fear. Is it wrong to not bring kids up in the fear of being whipped or caned for every little lie? I grew up in a culture where punishing kids was the sign of good parenting. It sure darn well has worked right for many, being in eternal fear of canes, belts, sticks, brooms and ladles. I was known for my notoriety and was occasionally beaten for forging signature on progress cards, climbing over school walls and passing love notes in class. The fear of being beaten did keep me from doing the same mistakes again, instead I would find a new something to raise and curl eyebrows. What I’ve learned from my life is that children are forever restlessly curious and adventurous and there is no one way to harness their mischievous behaviour. Whips work for some but for most of the rest it’s words of love and meaningful rebukes. So whether you spare the rod from a kid or not, you can and will be a good parent, judgements aside. 

Relationships : Being judged doesn’t feel so great, especially when it’s a remark on your personal choices. When I decided to get married (at this “tender age” of 22) I did not expect many to support my decision, not even my family. But surprisingly I was proven wrong when the people I least expected stood strong by my side (thank you appa and amma!) and the ones who seemed to hold bigger parts in my life turned out to be like the Pharisees and the Rabbis in long robes. I was shushed, laughed at and heavily criticised. 22 sounds perfect to some and to the rest it’s “get settled” and then marry. Forget marriage, if you’re single you’re called a prude and if you’re hanging out with someone you’re not a virgin anymore. However hard one tries to be accepted of their choices here, it will all be in vain unless you approve of yourself. 

Career : Okay, here comes the fun part. Last week I was at my husband’s relative’s house on a random post-wedding visit and we ended up talking for a while. As the conversation got to its peak we noticed how cynical the person was in her remarks and pointed out something in Nithin’s career that both of us tried to fart off. When someone ventures out on their own or with a few others into a business, chances are you will be seen by some as the loser who depended on others to start a company and mint money. It never is your own effort. If you work for “big companies” you are just a machine or a sheep among the herd. If you’re a writer, chances are that you’re starving most of the time. The guesses are interesting and most of the time, untrue.

As I reflect on life and its interesting paradoxes I’m just left wondering if there is any way out of judgements and live peacefully. But the truth is that there is no getting away and a life without any judgements is mundane and easy. I think what I need to be doing is fearing, facing and better yet, embracing it.  

Love from the Queen of Hills