Late Night Epistle

Dear Reader,

It's a huge day for me tomorrow!

Engagements are always big, especially when it's to the one you love. Anticipation of the unexplored and entry into new territories are hovering over and I can sense it. When I started off this journey with him amidst a thousand uncertainties and skepticism, little did I realize it would carry me on its waves to this day. I was aware of the battle and the fallout that would follow but everything about the rush excited me. On this eve of dog-earring another page in the book of life I'm alone in my writing nook, reflecting on the day I met him, the day I confessed my love lying on the terrace on a starry night and the day we decided to begin a rough adventure. I'm left wondering how different this life event of mine is from everyone else's. I'm giving my imagination some work and wondering if tonight would be any different, had my family been with me to celebrate this little pleasure. I'm essentially thinking of things that were, and the things that would've been thought of right now had they followed normal courses.

My golden saree and "green-stone" studded jewelry are ready and my facial is done. The rings are bought and the stylists are appointed. Tomorrow is the day hairy Mia Thermopolis turns into the manicured, cleaned up, less hairy Princess Mia Thermopolis. Tomorrow is the day to give jeans and tee shirts rest and accept the elegance draped in six yards of fabric. Tomorrow will be the day I start wearing the same ring all day, all life. Tomorrow holds quite a lot and this night is unwilling to let me rest before its dawn. Intriguing? Talk about jitters!

It's a good night to stay awake, thanks to the dreamy weather. I've grabbed a bowl of peanuts and a glass of tea and I'm wondering what to write to my readers. I'm wondering if this little piece of my life excites you as much as it exhilarates and disquietens me concurrently. I'm wondering if you have stayed awake before a daunting day and spent it writing your feelings on a sheet of paper or talking it out to a friend or parent. The latter is what I long for right now. A good old family picture is hanging on the opposite wall. Amma has chechi planted on her lap and appa has me on one knee. If this image were to be recreated today I would probably not be writing to you as I am right now. Instead I would be basking in the thrill of being there, being with them. I would be talking to chechi under blanket spreads and shushed to sleep by parents. We would giggle and promise to share after-marriage stories, not missing a tittle. They would hold my hand in prayer and promise things would be alright. 

But we're not and I'm here this night on a solitary pursuit, searching for words. I'm here brooding over all the would's and could's and trying unsuccessfully to get some beauty sleep. I'm writing to let you know I'm scared, strained and frazzled. I'm also letting you know that an equal measure of excitement and anticipation are evening things out. Sleep will be foreign to me tonight but I'm off to dream of a land where a young woman put a ring on a young man and lived happily ever after.

xx

wishfulthinker