Adieu 2015!

2015 was truly a great year. Thanks to this anonymous quote that has driven me since the year before:

"At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up , and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you need to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be."
I was a desperate woman in 2014. Desperate to grow up and prove something to people. Fresh out of college and a bag full of dreams I found myself a rookie in a fast moving world. I was constantly trying to please someone and make my existence known. "Hello! I exist and I count", I would find myself yelling at hours when frustration hit like a boulder. I would write in fear and anxiety, and confined my writings to a word document or occasionally to a strip of paper that would later be shoved in between the pages of a good book. I doubted and fumbled and it all aggravated. Sleepless nights joined and I wondered what I was doing with my life. Right when I needed a shoulder to cry on I was gifted a quote card by a friend with the above words in black italics. Now I had something to let my tears fall on. The very first time I read it I was moved so hard like I'd never been moved or touched before. It hit me right where I was hurting and sent flashes of awakening in me. I knew I was upto something.

2015 dawned in no time, the quote still engraved within. I stopped crying on it and instead decided to do something about this frustration that so strongly clenched and hurt. I began to write for the world to see and know and criticise. I let the channels of doubt turn into channels of experiences and just let it flow. It has so far been the best decision made and critics are my favourite people now, for they remind me of this not-so-easy struggle and of how I have to keep my eyes and hands ever ready. They constantly bring to mind Joan Didion, Sylvia Plath, Woolf and all those women who fought the good fight to continue doing what they knew best. My critics taught me that even if you do not have an audience for your work of art, you just ought to do what you ought to do. I will forever be grateful for those days when words were few and imagination decided to stick to blank walls. Those days taught me it's alright to not be able to write sense (or write at all) everyday. For those days when critics and their crude remarks created cathartic water-works, thank you! I would never have proofread my works a hundred times otherwise. To Brainpickings, Ashley Riordan, Book Riot and Bekah Jane Pogue - thank you! Thank you for inspiring me everyday with your soulful words and unceasing work in the most uncanny ways. Nothing makes  a person feel better than reading something they can connect to.


It has been a great journey so far and for the time being I am anticipating an eventful 2016 with Harper Lee and Patti Smith staring back at me from across the coffee table.


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