Learning To Let Go
Let's take a deep breath before we begin, shall we? Not because you need it, but because I need it the most right now, and I believe it will help you too.
Over the past few days, I have been finding myself in undesirable emotional and mental circumstances. The nights seem longer, the days are exhausting, and I am constantly ruled by thoughts of a tightened grip over me. Pretty stifling, yes. But after a prolonged slump in my mood, I finally decided to do something about it. I was going to figure out what had prompted these feelings, to begin with, and take time out to sort the icky hotchpotch in my head.
So I latched myself up in my happy space - my writing nook, slid a pen out the pen stand and my journal from the drawer beneath. "A fresh page," I mumbled to no one in particular, "..to declutter my thoughts." I was all set, even a cup of tea by my side (I wasn't going to compromise on the aesthetics either!)
And then the wait began - for words to drizzle, for thoughts to untangle, for my heart to let go of what it had been holding in all those days. If no one has ever told you this, here's the thing - waiting for your heart to speak seems like an activity in vain for the first couple of minutes, even hours, if you haven't been checking on it for a while. And since I had been neglecting my heart for the longest time now, my pages stayed empty until midnight, hours after my son (the apparent distraction) had gone in to sleep. A little past 12, I felt a pain within me, an obscure, mysterious kind of pain, the one you feel when your heart seems to be bursting with indecipherable thoughts and feelings. My eyes were welling up and in sudden action, I brought my hands to my heart, as if I was trying to give it warmth. Something was fizzling, something about to break itself off the leash.
In the moments to follow, I was hunched over my desk, in my quiet nook, the serenity of the night calming my nerves. And I wrote, something I can only explain as a girl treading into the wild blue yonder. I felt the pen's hurried motion on my notebook, almost as if two estranged lovers had finally found themselves in each other's arms.
It was working. This long, cathartic process of letting go - of ego, jealousy, unhealthy competition, overthinking, uncontrollable behaviour and petty thoughts. I was letting go of what had once seemed impossible to do so. I was letting go of what had stopped me from making time for myself in the first place.
This morning I woke up with a few deep breaths and I promised myself to be grateful and write something affirmative and positive. Because it has been so bloody long since I have done that - being grateful, being in the now. I was too busy taking "was" and "were" for a ride. But I guess, finally, they are where they belong - in the past.
Now, take a few deep breaths again. And exhale... you just let go of the most important thing in your life - your breath. So when I say you can let go of the rest too, I say it with a straight face.
Over the past few days, I have been finding myself in undesirable emotional and mental circumstances. The nights seem longer, the days are exhausting, and I am constantly ruled by thoughts of a tightened grip over me. Pretty stifling, yes. But after a prolonged slump in my mood, I finally decided to do something about it. I was going to figure out what had prompted these feelings, to begin with, and take time out to sort the icky hotchpotch in my head.
So I latched myself up in my happy space - my writing nook, slid a pen out the pen stand and my journal from the drawer beneath. "A fresh page," I mumbled to no one in particular, "..to declutter my thoughts." I was all set, even a cup of tea by my side (I wasn't going to compromise on the aesthetics either!)
And then the wait began - for words to drizzle, for thoughts to untangle, for my heart to let go of what it had been holding in all those days. If no one has ever told you this, here's the thing - waiting for your heart to speak seems like an activity in vain for the first couple of minutes, even hours, if you haven't been checking on it for a while. And since I had been neglecting my heart for the longest time now, my pages stayed empty until midnight, hours after my son (the apparent distraction) had gone in to sleep. A little past 12, I felt a pain within me, an obscure, mysterious kind of pain, the one you feel when your heart seems to be bursting with indecipherable thoughts and feelings. My eyes were welling up and in sudden action, I brought my hands to my heart, as if I was trying to give it warmth. Something was fizzling, something about to break itself off the leash.
In the moments to follow, I was hunched over my desk, in my quiet nook, the serenity of the night calming my nerves. And I wrote, something I can only explain as a girl treading into the wild blue yonder. I felt the pen's hurried motion on my notebook, almost as if two estranged lovers had finally found themselves in each other's arms.
It was working. This long, cathartic process of letting go - of ego, jealousy, unhealthy competition, overthinking, uncontrollable behaviour and petty thoughts. I was letting go of what had once seemed impossible to do so. I was letting go of what had stopped me from making time for myself in the first place.
This morning I woke up with a few deep breaths and I promised myself to be grateful and write something affirmative and positive. Because it has been so bloody long since I have done that - being grateful, being in the now. I was too busy taking "was" and "were" for a ride. But I guess, finally, they are where they belong - in the past.
Now, take a few deep breaths again. And exhale... you just let go of the most important thing in your life - your breath. So when I say you can let go of the rest too, I say it with a straight face.
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