Facing your Fears
I'm just finished making chicken curry. Woohooo. A year ago all I could claim to have cooked myself were asymmetrically fried eggs or scrambled ones. I dreaded cooking because I told myself time was less when all I did was sleep endlessly and go to work, but honestly because I feared I'd suck. Under that whole facade of "face your fears" phrase I'd assert over myself was a puny soul that cowered when intimidated. You might think it silly to fear something as simple as cooking but I'm just not done with my list of "Things I Fear".
Nothing but the thought of death creeps in when I think of deep waters.
Every time I shut the car doors I do it with my legs or a bottle (if I have one handy) because ungodly 'static' freaks the crap out of me.
Workouts and jogging are things I will adore when I quit thinking of dying breathless.
The fear of being unable to write something readable (every.single.time)
I can go on and on but who wants to sound like a wimp with nothing but irrational fears?
As I waited for some magic to hover over and inspire me to continue this post I stumbled upon (synchronicity!) Jen Campbell's video on why she reads and writes and how fear has pushed her to do seemingly impossible things. Jen suffers from EEC syndrome, a degenerative disease that will be stealing her of her many abilities soon, eyesight being one of them. As a voracious reader and author of four books there is nothing she dreads more than being unable to continue doing the only things that keep her alive and positive. Interestingly the same fear has taught her to embrace it and make the most of what's now.
That is exactly the stage I am at right now.
Despite having confessed my deadly fear of water to the instructor and having stirred out of sleep endlessly the night before, I decided to scuba dive last week. Guys, I cannot tell you how happy and accomplished I felt once I surfaced back up after the dive. No it wasn't easy and no the start wasn't pretty but I still did it because, how silly would it be to be captivated by something that throws me into fits of shiver every time I think of it?
It has been a week of organized workouts now and I feel great; not the aches, sweats or gasps but the happy discovery that I haven't given in to the omen inside who constantly seeks out to make me do nothing but quit. I'm not really sure how long this is going to go but for 'now' this fight is great. And 'now' is fine.
I acknowledge the truth that fear will forever be part of a writer's life. But I'm coming face-to-face with it everyday and I just allow it to watch me write. Watch me copy illogical musings, extreme fear of failure; copy just about anything that dares to loiter the length and breadth of my mind.
As for static, oh well I'm just gonna let those bastards take the best of me for a while.
Rational or irrational, fear is real. It's just there challenging you all along, telling you suck, cheering for the opposite team. It's going to pile up your unpublished drafts and keep you from life's many adventures. But we don't want that, do we?
Nothing but the thought of death creeps in when I think of deep waters.
Every time I shut the car doors I do it with my legs or a bottle (if I have one handy) because ungodly 'static' freaks the crap out of me.
Workouts and jogging are things I will adore when I quit thinking of dying breathless.
The fear of being unable to write something readable (every.single.time)
I can go on and on but who wants to sound like a wimp with nothing but irrational fears?
As I waited for some magic to hover over and inspire me to continue this post I stumbled upon (synchronicity!) Jen Campbell's video on why she reads and writes and how fear has pushed her to do seemingly impossible things. Jen suffers from EEC syndrome, a degenerative disease that will be stealing her of her many abilities soon, eyesight being one of them. As a voracious reader and author of four books there is nothing she dreads more than being unable to continue doing the only things that keep her alive and positive. Interestingly the same fear has taught her to embrace it and make the most of what's now.
That is exactly the stage I am at right now.
Despite having confessed my deadly fear of water to the instructor and having stirred out of sleep endlessly the night before, I decided to scuba dive last week. Guys, I cannot tell you how happy and accomplished I felt once I surfaced back up after the dive. No it wasn't easy and no the start wasn't pretty but I still did it because, how silly would it be to be captivated by something that throws me into fits of shiver every time I think of it?
It has been a week of organized workouts now and I feel great; not the aches, sweats or gasps but the happy discovery that I haven't given in to the omen inside who constantly seeks out to make me do nothing but quit. I'm not really sure how long this is going to go but for 'now' this fight is great. And 'now' is fine.
I acknowledge the truth that fear will forever be part of a writer's life. But I'm coming face-to-face with it everyday and I just allow it to watch me write. Watch me copy illogical musings, extreme fear of failure; copy just about anything that dares to loiter the length and breadth of my mind.
As for static, oh well I'm just gonna let those bastards take the best of me for a while.
Rational or irrational, fear is real. It's just there challenging you all along, telling you suck, cheering for the opposite team. It's going to pile up your unpublished drafts and keep you from life's many adventures. But we don't want that, do we?
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