That Suppressed Spark
"We know what we are, but know not what we may be". - William Shakespeare
As a 3 year old I boasted of becoming a fish vendor once I grew up. A few years up the age ladder that dream fickled between the want to become an advocate, police officer, doctor, aeronautical engineer, chartered accountant and all the other jobs that would fit me into the status quo.
Today I'm 21, jobless after having quit a well-paid corporate job and figuring out the little things in life - how to laugh heartily at a good joke, how to make ghee rice in case of bad night cravings, to forgive and forget, to love unconditionally and to discover myself.
A lot happened over a score of years. Dreams changed, people came in and walked out, a stronger, determined mind settled in. We all go through that very confusing stage where clueless-ness is the standard way of life and then there is that stage where we know exactly what we need in life, where we need to go, who should influence us and who shouldn't. All we need is a little inspiration to figure all these out - that little ray of light which can guide us to our destination. Life is more or less summed up in this quest to be inspired.
A week after I quit my job I started being restless. Having fully known that I have now lost my steady source of income, a sense of disappointment and failure began to set in. I cried for days over. The sole reason behind giving up the job was to stop doing what I disliked, and start doing what I enjoyed, which was to create. But the spark in me was suppressed by a great deal of self-doubt and rejection from a few close people. I saw financial crunch at the end of the tunnel and so decided to take up another job which would pay me enough to pay off my rent and food expenses - another job to hate! All these decisions were taken myself after consulting myself and thought-over myself. I nearly had a brain freeze.
Putting much thought into it, I decided to share my worries with my best friend. The best thing about having someone positive to share your sorrow with is that you connect into their positivity and feel strengthened. You get a fresh take on things, and tasks that once seemed impossible will seem happening. What happens here is inspiration. To be inspired we need to open our heart and soul and learn to believe in our abilities. God did not create anyone without gifts. All we need to do is discover what that gift is and build on it. My friend urged me to begin then and there and never wait for things to happen. I felt fulfilled after having shared all my concerns with someone.
The next day I took off. I decided to travel to find myself and be inspired. I listened to music to be inspired. I watched movies to be inspired. I read the Bible to be inspired. I met new people, heard their stories. I shared my sheer joys. I ran out money but I was still happy. I visited home where I was greeted with the warmest hugs and the best of love. I stayed till I felt the need to let go. And then I left again. To embark on the journey to create more and laugh and love and live.
Today, I am not an engineer or a doctor or an accountant. But I know for sure that as long as I'm inspired in life I can be anything and do anything and be loved for what I am. For that is all that matters to one's survival.
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